Kelly's Workshop

Rough Draft #1 Workshop Questions
Overall
1. What do you like best about the paper? Be specific.

The paper started out with a good lead sentence which would grab the attention of most readers. I also liked that the paper was packed full of facts, so I learned a few things from it.

2. Email the author and ask for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.

The author told me that they were concerned about the organization of the paper, and was worried that it was all making sense.

I feel that the paper is very well organized, and it flows very well also. The paper was easy to read, and easy to fallow through the argument.

Thesis
3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis? What argument does the thesis make?

The thesis says “scientists have found…” so it’s doesn’t state her exact opinion, but I think it’s implied that she agrees with them. The argument is that phytoplankton have a stronger influence on greenhouse gasses than people “going green.”

4. What group of people agrees with the author? What group disagrees with the author?

In the paper the author states that there is a debate between scientists whether artificially increasing the population of phytoplankton would work or not. I think scientists and biologists would be the only ones who actually knew enough about the topic to make valid arguments for or against.

5. Does the paper have an argumentative thesis statement using ALTHOUGH and BECAUSE?

Yes

Content
6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest! (Friends don’t let friend turn in boring essays!)

I would give it a 8

7.Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader? Be specific (e.g. “the 3rd is dullsville”; “the conclusion is really vague”).

It might be nice to have a paragraph that explains what exactly phytoplankton and diatoms are. The author talks a lot about what they can do (like photosynthesis), but doesn’t give a concrete explanation of what they are (at least I didn’t see one). Luckily I happen to be taking a marine biology class right now so I could fallow, but it would probably be nice for people that weren’t sure what they were.

8.What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise? If there are none, go back to #3.

The only one I thought about as I read the report was that some phytoplankton blooms can cause high levels of toxins in the surrounding waters which can make people sick and kill marine animals.

9.Has the author dealt with these objections?

She talked about other objections, but not this particular one.

10.Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

Yes, I thought that the paragraphs all fit well with the thesis topic, all of them belonged in the paper and flowed well.

Style
11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?

The transitions were good which made the paper flow really well and made it easy to read.

12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening?

Yes, the opening sentence is an important one, and should catch the attention of most readers.

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction?

Yes, the concluding paragraph ties it all together, and ends the arguments well.

Research
14. How many different sources are cited in the paper (don’t look at Works Cited or References (depending if it's MLA or APA); look at the parenthetical citations. The medium does not matter.)

I found 6 different cited sources.

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?

No, the author uses a wide variety of different sources.

16. Does the author have more quotes in his/her paper than personal opinion?

No.

17. Are there any sources listed on the Works Cited or References that are not cited within the body of the essay? (This is a no-no)

No.

18. Is all the information retrieved from research, including opinion, ideas, paraphrases, quotes, and statistics, cited with in-text (parenthetical) citations? If not, list specifics of what needs to be cited (friends don’t let friends turn in plagiarized papers).

The only thing I saw was that the thesis for the report was the same as part of a quote that was cited later in the paper. The author sites the source for the quote, but not for the thesis.

19. All quotes in research papers should be commented upon. Does the author comment after every quote? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.

Honestly, I’m not too sure what is meant by “commented upon.” The author is usually using the quotes as a way to back up a statement.


Kelly's paper can be found at: www.kellylowry.blogspot.com