Workshop for Cary's Essay #3

Thesis:

1. Restate the thesis in your own words. If the thesis is a question and not an assertion, make it an assertion. Make sure the words “although” and "because" are in it.

Although the Army claims to be building character and making its soldiers stronger, it does quite the opposite because it encourages activities that prevent individual growth, limits soldiers abilities to make choices, and it imposes strict rules which limit one’s decision making.

2. Does the thesis argue a link between a cause(s) and effect(s)? Is it at the end of the first paragraph?

The thesis argues that the Army is prohibiting (causing) the growth of an individual, which is the opposite of what its recruiters claim to do.

3. List the cause(s).
Encouragement of questionable activities, making choices for its soldiers, and imposing strict rules

4. List the effect(s).

The inability to grow up, limits soldier’s choices, and does not allow soldiers to make decisions.

Audience:

Who is the author's audience? Will the audience already agree with the author, or is the author writing to the opposition? How can you tell? Give specific examples.

I would think that the audience of this essay would be persons who are considering joining the army or other form of military. This essay would be a good source of information for people who didn’t have an opinion for or against the authors views. The author targets this type of audience in the closing paragraph where it sounds like he is talking directly to an audience of potential recruits.

Counterargument:

List the counterarguments (arguments of the author’s oppositions) used in the paper (there should be at least three). Does the author adequately address these arguments? Do you think there are other arguments that could be addressed? Do you see any logical fallacies?

Most of the counterarguments in this paper come from the image the Army tries illustrate itself as. For instance, “The army often markets itself as a path to independence,” and the quote, “The army provides a remarkable environment for personal growth.” The author does address these views well.


Title:

Does the paper have an interesting title? If not, help author come up with one.

The title is, “The U.S. Army – Road to Indecision?” I think this title is good because it gives a view into what the paper is about, and is also interesting.

Introduction:

Is there a catchy lead sentence? What is it? If there isn't one, what would you suggest?

The lead sentence is, “From television commercials to radio broadcasts, no matter where one goes there are always recruitment slogans and jargon being thrown around to join the U.S. Army.” I think the lead sentence is very good, it would be a big attention grabber for someone thinking about joining the army or other form of military.

Conclusion:

How does the author conclude the paper? What do you think of it?

The author concludes the paper by giving his first hand experience of being in the army, and offering some advice to those who are thinking about joining the military. I liked how it was concluded. Even though I’m not thinking about joining, it was still interesting to hear his views.

Flow/Transitions:

Does each paragraph expand upon the thesis? Do the paragraphs flow? Which paragraphs have bumpy transitions?

The author did a good job of allowing the paper to flow properly. It was very easy to read, which always makes a paper more enjoyable to read.





The paper can be found at http://caryenglish.blogspot.com/